


There is Still Light in Him

by Captainohmycaptain



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Kylo is a big emo baby, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-05-08 07:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5488541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captainohmycaptain/pseuds/Captainohmycaptain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Kylo had asked for Han's help with something else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw the movie on Sunday and absolutely relate too heavily with Kylo. And in the scene where Kylo kills his father, I wasn't expecting it all. I thought Kylo was going to ask something else so... Here is my interpretation of that.   
> This will eventually be Kylo/Hux, along with Rey/Finn, and possibly Rey/Finn/Poe cause why not?

Kylo hissed in anger as Hux’s troopers trailed after him, in search his fath- Han Solo and his mutt. They entered the gaping bay, the force user ordering the troopers to find them, watching as they dispersed. He paced around, waiting for any sign of Solo. His steps out across the walkway echoed around him, filling the vast room. Kylo thought of his place, of the light and dark battling inside him. It was like they were separate entities; the differing sides of the Force tearing him apart from the inside out. Leia, his mother, his loving mother, he could feel her through the Force some days. He could feel how much sorrow she’s felt through her life. When he was young, when he’d run away to join the First Order under Snoke’s guiding words, he hadn’t learned how to feel other Force users yet. The first time he’d reached out, into the void, into the Force, he’d felt his mother. 

He remembers how she’d tried to reach out to him, reach into his mind and show her the Light. He’d forced her out and locked his mind up, building barriers around himself for years before daring to reach out again. Now he listened in to her emotions often, never letting her know that he was there, in the Force. 

That would have to stop. Snoke didn’t know yet how the Light called to Kylo, but it would not take much digging into the young man’s mind for the Supreme Leader to figure it out. Kylo would be dead if that happened. He had a feeling he’d be dead either way. His family would never take him back, not after what he’d done, after all the lives he’d ordered to be taken, and the ones he took for himself. Hux wanted him dead, he was in the man’s way from the start, the two constantly fighting for Snoke’s approval and regard. Kylo kept walking, staring off to the side of the walkway, wondering idly how far the fall was, but knowing the answer already. 

“BEN!” If Kylo had though his steps were loud, Han’s scream was deafening. He hadn’t heard him coming onto the walkway, hadn’t even felt him in the room. Weak. Pathetic, letting a scavenger scum sneak up on him. Kylo turned slowly, letting his father come towards him cautiously. 

“Ben,” Han repeated, nearly a whisper now, with the two men barely two feet apart. “Your mother asked me to bring you back to her, and I don’t know if I can do that.”

“You can’t” Kylo mutters. His mother. Even after all this time, she wanted him back, she wanted her son, Ben, back. She wouldn’t want Kylo. He was Dark, a shadow on her life, on his father’s, a disappointment to the Light and to the Dark. He was nothing. There was nothing to do for him now. His grandfather had never reached out to him again, silent for years, despite how desperately Kylo begged for guidance. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t be torn between two worlds any longer.   
Kylo took one more look at the abyss below him before finally meeting his father’s eyes.

“I know what I have to do…” He admitted to his father, watching as Han lowered his brows in confusion. Kylo let himself grin, a feeling of something like relief coming over him as he made his choice. “I just don’t know if I’m strong enough. I need your help.” He hoped his father could do this for him, could grant Kylo one last mercy. 

He reached for his belt and drew his saber, setting the weapon in his father’s waiting hand but not letting go. He just needed a moment, just a second more to relish what his life had become. Kylo glanced upward and saw the girl, Rey and the traitor, Finn, standing against the last rays of sunlight the star they drew their power from would ever emit. The door behind them opened wide, Kylo watched as the clouds finally overtook the light and doused the entire planet in shadow. He looked back to his father’s eyes. 

“Kill me.” He asked Han.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so thank you to all who reviewed and left kudos!   
> I read through the last chapter and noticed some mistakes, so I really tried to proofread this one.   
> This is the beginning of the aftermath of Kylo's request.

“What?” Han hissed, squinting at his only son in the red glow of the lights around them, the sun outside drained into the First Order’s weapon. 

“Please.” Kylo rasped, desperately pushing his saber into his father’s hand, pleading silently with the man to just end this, end all of it, at least for him. He was truthful in admitting that he wasn’t strong enough to just end it himself. He glanced at the vast space below them and mentally flinched at the thought of drifting through that air towards a quick death.

Han took a firmer grip of the weapon. He thought of Leia, asking him to bring their son back, their son. A child they had already lost once, a child he had never though he’d have when he was young. He would not lose Ben- Kylo, whoever- it didn’t matter to Han anymore. He just wanted the scared boy in front of him back, home with Leia, with him.  
He gripped the handle of the saber tighter and finally Kylo released it to his father, watching as the smuggler gave the metal a small heft, watching as his father drew his arm back. This was what he wanted. This was what he needed, peace from his own mind, forever if need be. This was the only way. Kylo wished he could close his eyes, wished he didn’t feel absolutely paralyzed, faced with the same weapon he’d slain so many with. It was poetic almost and Kylo wished he could smile.

Han lifted the saber above his head, Kylo watching avidly for the small movement his father would have to make to activate the blade but it never came. Han swung down harshly, striking Kylo over the head, knocking the man unconscious, and nearly making the both of them topple over the edge of the walkway. Rey shouted in worry from many feet above them, watching as Kylo went limp.

Luckily, his father was quick enough, even in his old age, to hunch below Kylo as the boy fell and lift his son’s body over his shoulder.   
Han felt the ground shake as the Resistance X-Wings took aim at the flaming hull in the side of the planet. He ran as best he could off the walkway, shifting Kylo into Chewie’s arms as soon as he reached the others waiting for him, the Wookie able to carry the younger, unconscious man far more easily. 

“Why? Why didn’t you just kill him?” Rey asked as the groups met, and Han wanted to get angry with her, wanted to yell that she had no clue, had no idea of anything. But he couldn’t. He was bringing his son home, he couldn’t be angry. 

“He’s my son.” He didn’t see her reaction, as he and Chewie pushed forward once they’d reached the outside, watching as trees were cut down by X-Wing and TIE Fighter beams, the snow melted in dirty patches all over.

He did hear Rey’s shocked gasp, but as he knew she would, she pushed past the new information and focused on getting herself and all of them off-world alive.   
The group sprinted back up the snowy hill, towards the Falcon, avoiding enemy blaster shots the whole way. A small group of Troopers had seen Kylo in the furry beast’s arms and had alerted the Order before they were shot down, resulting in apparent orders to relinquish Kylo Ren from them at any means necessary, given how many Troopers were recklessly throwing themselves into sure death. 

Rey and Finn made it to the Falcon before the others and Rey ran inside, powering the ship up as Finn covered the door, making sure no Order shots made it anywhere near Han, Chewie, or Kylo, no matter how much Finn didn’t like the man. 

Chewie raced on board, Han and Finn not far behind. The older man got the door shut as Finn hurried down the ladder to the gunner’s chair, taking aim and firing off before the ship was more than three feet off the planet. Han hurried past Chewie and Kylo, the Wookie busy with tenderly swiping blood away from the cut Kylo had on his forehead, as a result of Han’s blow. 

He stopped and turned to dig through Chewie’s discarded bag, finding the forgotten detonator for the bombs they had placed inside the oscillator. He didn’t hesitate in pressing the button and immediately felt the effects of the explosions- the whole Falcon shifting in the air as the planet started to collapse from the inside out. 

Rey gave Han a nearly crazed grin as he entered the cockpit and had to fling himself into a seat so he didn’t go flying right back out as Rey steered the Falcon into a maneuver it hadn’t performed in over 20 years. Han could see their own shots hitting their marks true, and called his praise to Finn’s shooting, getting a happy whooping scream in return, Rey laughing along with the young boy as they escaped the atmosphere in mostly one piece. 

Han watched with Rey as their pilots took one last loop and shot with finality, flying through the explosions and circling back towards them, to follow them home. Han watched with Rey as the planet imploded, engulfing itself in flames, the planet itself looking like a sun for just a moment before the whole thing went dark, breaking away into meaningless rocks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are very appreciated!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go with a Hux central chapter...

Hux roared for his soldiers to remain at their stations, endlessly enraged at every X-Wing he spotted in the sky. He had to find Kylo Ren. The boy had run off to search for Solo and his troopers had given Hux reports of yet another destructive tantrum. He ordered his assistant to keep the workers in line, told her that if any of them abandoned their stations, she should regard it as treason, and act accordingly.   
At her nod of understanding, he hurried down corridor after corridor, passing teams of Troopers on their way out to the battle. 

He basked in the way they were so willing to sacrifice their lives for the Order. Never had a Trooper of Phasma’s been so defective as FN-2187. ‘Finn’, as Kylo had told him, having drawn the name from the girl’s mind during her interrogation, the only bit of information that he’d actually been able to retrieve. 

Hux blew into the surveillance outpost of the control floor and ordered the station hands to find Kylo on their screens. They balked in his presence, but snapped to their orders at the quirk of his brow. It took mere seconds and he commanded them out of the room as he observed the oscillator facilities on the small screen one worker had pulled up. 

He watched in shock as Kylo handed Solo his weapon and as the older man, the man he knew to be Kylo’s father, raised the weapon up and struck his son across the brow, before catching his slumped body. They were taking him. They were actually going to take Kylo away from the Order. 

Hux knew that Kylo was weak, had always known. This, though, willfully handing his weapon over, his beloved saber, allowing himself to be stolen away to the Light, to the Resistance… was…almost too easy for Hux to believe. It made sense to some extent. Hux had seen Kylo break down occasionally, had seen him lose all control several times. He knew how Kylo struggled with his nature, it was hard not to notice the way his manner had shifted, having known the boy for several years. 

But what would Snoke wish of him in this situation? Should he continue to command his troops in battle or… should he pursue Kylo? He felt a mild panic settle over him now, one he could control, but he hated the feeling nonetheless. 

There was a lag in the video feed, so Hux knew the group, if they hadn’t escaped already, were very near it. He hurried from the surveillance room, hunting down any trooper he could find. Once he’d found one though, the soldier immediately reported that the Resistance leaders were escaping, with Kylo in their arms. 

Hux tried to breath. He tried to understand how the Order could be losing this battle. And they were. He felt the planet shaking beneath his feet, heard the screams of his dying troops, and the high whining sounds of the airships battling just inside the atmosphere. 

Snoke had insured him, ensured them all that the Order could not be beaten. Now, Hux, as he ran for the bay that held all of their ships, passed by body after body of his army. All of these men, women, now laid dead on the very floors they’d patrolled just yesterday. 

Hux forced himself to push through any sentimentality he was feeling for the deceased and sprinted for a Speeder Bike, throwing his leg over and powering it up. He sped from the hangar out into the cold battlefront. Dodging blaster shots and panicked troopers, Hux searched frantically for any sign of Kylo. He had to find the boy. The Order was falling apart at the seams, nearly ripping itself apart. They’d been told over and over of their infallible forces, their unbeatable, and unmatched weaponry, and yet, here they were, the world literally falling apart beneath them. He didn’t know what he’d do once he found Kylo, other than abandon the failing planet as quickly as possible. 

As he rounded a hill, the speeder nearly blowing it’s engine out with how hard he was pushing it, Hux caught sight of the group running up a hill in the distance, mere yards from Solo’s ancient craft. 

He slowed and watched avidly as they all scrambled on board, Kylo draped listlessly across the Wookie’s arms. The defective trooper, Finn, turned heel and began firing shots at the people he’d known his whole life, covering his allies’ backs. 

Hux saw his opportunity and refused to let himself think about what he was doing and how insane it was as he sped forward harshly, twisting the hand accelerator back as hard as he could.

Finn had started to close the doors, and the General grew desperate, the speeder under him slowing as the engine failed. The bike had gotten him close enough though, and Hux sprinted towards the hangar door.

He had to make it. There was no time left. If he didn’t slip on in seconds, he was dead, along with the rest of the Order stationed on the weapon they had been assured couldn’t be destroyed. He dove inside the Millennium Falcon, the door sealing closed just as he landed on his side against the grated floor.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy, two chapters in one day! That's because I cranked both 3 and 4 out just tonight and wanted to give them to you guys for Christmas I guess.

Hux was faced with immediate anger at himself for what he had just done. He’d defected. He’d betrayed the First Order, the Empire. Supreme Leader Snoke. He was as good as dead. No First Order leader would listen to his explanation now, they’d never believe that he could be trusted. 

All he’d wanted was to find Kylo, to get the both of them off-world alive. He’d done that. They were both alive. Him, maybe not for long. He needed to decide where to go from here, winded and still laying across the floor of the Millennium Falcon, one of the most well-known Rebel ships in the Galaxy. Should he hide? And do what once this ship made it back to the Resistance base; there was no way he could grab Kylo and sneak off a planet solely inhabited by militant rebels. Reveal himself? That might be the only way to ensure that he make it to tomorrow. 

Hux stood slowly, wincing as the hip that he had landed on screamed in protest. The whole ship was rocking, and Hux turned back to a small circular window, watching as the First Order’s unbeatable weapon blew to pieces under enemy fire. The Order that he’d devoted so much of his life to…falling apart right in front of him. He knew this defeat would not completely destroy them, but the doubt it would create among their masses would be uncontrollable. More and more of them would defect, abandon the order they swore to protect, just like he had. 

The Order’s destruction would be inevitable. Eventually, they would crumble, there was no stopping it, and he could see that now, as he watched their weapon burn away in the cold void of space. 

He turned from the window in pain, his sole purpose now to find Kylo. The younger man was somewhere on this ship, wounded and Hux had been commanded to ensure the boy’s survival by Snoke the day they met, and if he was going to abandon all other First Order commands, he refused to fall through on that one. 

He crept away from the door, entering a hallway with black polished floors. His footfalls were too loud, making him cringe with every step. He heard quiet growls up ahead; the Wookie.

Hux stilled as he came upon a larger room, a common space of sorts and saw the Wookie, the renowned Rebel agent, Chewbacca, gently swiping a cloth across the bloody cut on Kylo’s brow. He knew that the creature was like a brother to Han Solo, the stories of the two’s adventures gracing even the Order’s lunchrooms, making Kylo essentially a nephew to the beast. He watched silently as Chewbacca let out another high chitter, worrying over Kylo’s form. He’d never seen someone treat the young knight so gently. 

The medics on board the Finalizer had all been afraid of Kylo, their hands always shaking despite their training, and as such, Kylo had ceased reporting his injuries and going to them for care. Hux had seen Kylo wrapping his own ribs after training, and even setting a finger back into place after a ground mission.   
There was the sound of a boot step behind him that ripped him from his thoughts, Hux whirling around to come face to face with Finn. There was a moment of pause as the two panicked. 

Then, Finn was pointing a gun at the General’s chest. 

“Chewie! Might need some help here!” Finn cried, digging the muzzle of the blaster into Hux’s sternum. Hux watched over his shoulder as the Wookie jolted up, noting that he was careful not to disturb Kylo Ren. The furry thing came over to the both of them, roughly trussing up Hux’s wrists. “What are you doing on board this ship?” Finn growled. He was angry, understandably. He obviously recognized the General and was not a fan. At this point, Hux could barely blame him. 

While he tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t get him immediately killed, he saw Chewbacca enter the cockpit, and return with the other two of the group. Han Solo and Rey would have been an intimidating sight, if there hadn’t been a blaster aimed directly at him. 

“He asked you a question, General.” And wonderful, the girl knew who he was as well. She stood wearily and Hux suddenly almost felt sorry for her. The last few days must have been a blur to her, at the rate of which traumatic events seemed to be happening. 

Hux wished he had enough energy to choose his words carefully but as soon as he opened his mouth, the truth came pouring out, “I was desperate . . . I was trying to retrieve Kylo from you.” 

At the mention of his name, all eyes turned to the unconscious man, his dark hair fanning out on the leather seat below him, his fingers twitching now and again.

“You were desperate? What, to live? What makes you think I won’t kill you right here and now.” Finn was asking angrily from in front of Hux as he shoved the other man down onto the same leather bench seat that Kylo laid upon.

Hux raised his tied hands and hissed back just as hostile, “You’ve done nothing to make me think I’m going to come out of this alive.” Finn blinked at his words and backed off slightly, looking to Rey for guidance. She just shook her head, not knowing what to do either. She didn’t feel like having to kill any more people, the thought of all the troopers she’d blown through already enough to make her stomach turn. 

Solo apparently felt the same. “Enough people have died tonight. And you abandoned your post, the Order will never take you back; even I know that.” He looked to Hux for an acknowledgement to this statement. He received only a solemn nod, Hux’s eyes remaining on the floor. “We’ll be taking you back to base then. See what Leia wants to do with you.”

Hux gave another nod, thankful that at least he would live to see Kylo awaken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://captainohmycaptain.tumblr.com/ And finally I remembered to link my tumblr! Hit me up with stuff about the story, Star Wars, or anything! Thank you for reading and reviews are appreciated greatly!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a rough few days so I'm sorry how long this chapter took to come out. Also, I'm kind of not sure how I feel about the end of it, but I am excited to write the next chapter as they will finally be reaching the Resistance base.   
> I bought so many Star Wars books today including the Visual Dictionary and 'Before the Awakening' by Greg Rucka so get ready for so much background information.

Kylo’s skull was pounding. His brain ached. What had happened? 

He remembered searching for Solo, the walkway, his thoughts…. He remembered wishing he had the strength to leap off and end himself. But then what?   
He shifted where he lay, wondering if this was death, if this was the afterlife he must suffer through; being alone with his thoughts for all eternity. 

But no, if he could feel, and he could feel pain arching through his body, resonating from a single spot on his forehead, then this couldn’t be death. He shifted his body again, groaning as it caused another sharp wave of agony through his skull. 

Trying to blink, he failed, his eyelids refusing to cooperate, his fists clenching in response. He groaned again. He waited a few seconds, reaching out with the Force, but that part of him which he relied on so heavily was not responding either. 

So he tried harder to blink, a sliver of light pouring through his squinted eyes and wreaking havoc in his head. Another sound of pain was set loose from his throat.   
The light scorched his mind but he had to know where he was, what had happened to him, so he tried again. Forcing himself to keep his eyes open, it took a few moments for what he was seeing to fade from blinding whiteness to actual images. 

He was on board the Millennium Falcon. 

He remembered the rusty white features, the scuffed black floors from his childhood. He remembered laughing with his mother as his father rushed to tend to yet another malfunction, as they happened at least once a day. He remembered how’d once he’d gotten a little older, old enough that he didn’t want to just sit in his mother’s lap and watch as Han fixed the ship, he started helping with repairs. 

Kylo took a tentative glance around, taking in everything. He noticed a small dent above the cockpit door where he’d thrown a tool, which he couldn’t remember the name of now, in a fit of rage when he was just a boy. A small chuckle fell from his lips, remembering how he hadn’t been able to explain how the tool had been thrown, without him even touching it. He’d nearly been in tears trying to apologize before his mother explained to him that he’d accidentally used the Force, the power manifesting itself in his anger. He hadn’t noticed at the time the way she and Han shared a wary look over his shoulder. 

A small cough next to him had Kylo whirling around where he sat in panic. At the sight of General Hux sitting calmly aboard the Falcon, Kylo thought again for a moment that he really was dead… or hallucinating. He voiced this aloud in his shock, much to the amusement of the General.

“No, you’re not dead. Or dreaming. This is all too real.” He was glaring by the end, his amusement draining as Kylo’s awakening began to set the reality of their situation into place for him. Kylo couldn’t understand why he was here though, what had happened between him contemplating killing himself and now? A chill went through him at the thought that he really had considered that; just ending himself for the sake of everyone. 

“How did I get here?” The chill didn’t leave him as much as he wished it would, it spread through his limbs, slowing his thoughts and reaching his bones, a fine shiver coming over him. He tried as hard as he could to dig into his memories, to find out how he’d come aboard this ship, his father’s legendary vessel. “How did you get here?” The second question, having just occurred to him was even more pressing to him at the moment. He was purely confused at how the most devout First Order leader he’d known was sitting prim on the Millennium Falcon. 

Hux took a moment before answering. 

“As for you, well, you asked your father to kill you,” he ignored Kylo’s harsh flinch at those words, “Of course, he couldn’t do it and so he nearly cracked your skull knocking you unconscious.” The General gave Kylo a moment to register this information.

The Knight’s shivers became stronger. He’d asked his father to kill him? He’d actually…decided to die then. He’d made up his mind? Kylo was left gasping, his thoughts running wild. How could he have done that? He’d abandoned the Order, that much was clear. He was onboard a Resistance ship, he’d defected, he was weak, he-   
He wondered suddenly why the General was with him. 

“What are you doing here?” Hux looked away from Kylo then. 

“I… Surveillance of you being kidnapped by Resistance leaders was gathered, and I had no choice but to try to come to your aid.” A few silent moments passed.

“The Starkiller base is completely destroyed.” Hux didn’t look to Kylo for a response but he felt the shift of the leather below them as the other man reared back. “My only option was to board the ship after you, or die.” Another pause. “The Rebels have agreed to let me live, surprisingly. Luckily.” 

Kylo finally actually looked at Hux, actually took in the other man’s appearance as he sat before him. He’d never seen the General so disheveled. His hair was out of place, mussed and curled slightly. His jacket was undone, the collar of his shirt underneath loose at the neck. His hands were tied together and to the table in front of them, looped through a small metal circle, preventing him from moving his body more than a few inches in any direction. 

“You abandoned the Order.” Kylo realized out loud, staring in shock as the General winced at the words. 

“I had no choice.” Indignantly hissed. 

“Yes you did.” Kylo spoke, “You could have chosen to die with the others. You would have been honored as one of the greatest Order leaders in history. Yet, you chose to live. You know that they will never take you back.” He’d finally stopped shaking, his hands unclenching, his breathing slowed. Hux didn’t respond but his silence told volumes. They were stuck together now, branded traitors of the First Order. 

At least he wasn’t alone in his abandonment of the Empire. Kylo didn’t want to think about the unclear future that was unfurling in front of him, but having Hux by his side, having a familiar presence near him, was an immeasurable comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, not too excited about the ending of this chapter? I don't know, tell me what you think in the comments or hit me up on my tumblr: Captainohmycaptain


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Kylo sees his mother for the first time in years. I really cranked this out and didn't expect it to come out so long. Either way, I'm okay with this chapter, and have plans for the next one.

The rough landing jolted them all, the Falcon’s landing gear not what it once was, after years of sitting stationary on a desert planet. Kylo and Hux tensed silently as the ship settled, neither of them particularly keen to be on a Resistance base, but for vastly differing reasons at this point. 

Kylo, as much as he did want to see her, was terrified of what his mother would think of him after so many years. Would she even recognize him? What if she realized she’d made a mistake in asking Han to bring him back and no longer could stomach his returned presence? 

Hux was also thinking of Leia, but as a General, as a military leader that he was trained to strategize against. Was it in her favor to kill him? A public execution, maybe, to rally support? But, no, that didn’t seem to be the Rebels’ usual method of recruiting. 

Both were pulled from their thoughts as the cockpit opened and the others poured out. Finn passed through the room and out towards the exit without a glance to either men, but Rey paused next to Kylo and nodded gently towards him. Kylo felt the Force flow through him then, as she acknowledged his partial surrender to the Light side. She still felt a shadow swirling through him, deep under his skin, a stain that she hoped he could be rid of….but doubted. After fighting for so long, though, she wondered if he’d ever be able to fully surrender to the Light. 

She spared Hux a similar acknowledgement, but unlike Kylo, he refused to respond. The former General merely blinked and looked back to the floor.  
Han put a hand to her shoulder to keep her moving off the ship, following closely after her as Chewie untied Hux from the table, but kept his hands bound. The Wookie grabbed each of their arms and led the former First Order leaders from the Falcon. 

The natural light of the sun was blinding at first and Kylo squinted his eyes against it, turning his head towards Chewbacca, starring into the soft brown fur instead of out at the angry faces of Resistance members. He cast a quick look at Hux, huffing a soft laugh at what he saw. The man walked proud, his head up and shoulders back, exactly how he had always postured himself in their meetings with Snoke, a man that distilled great fear in the entire Order. So, Hux was frightened, though no one but Kylo would be able to tell from the way he sneered into the glares of the Resistance. 

Chewie walked them straight for a low stone building, where Han was already waiting for them. Kylo saw Rey and Finn happily engaging with the small spherical droid that he’d been searching for just days ago. Another man ran towards them then, and Kylo recognized him as the pilot he’d interrogated above Jakku, Poe Dameron. 

Han and Chewie hurried the two men inside before Poe could see them. Kylo could only feel grateful for that. Once he’d woken up on the Falcon, after his tense conversation with Hux about their defection, he’d plead with the other man to describe what had happened between himself and Han on the Oscillator bridge. He trusted that Hux had been truthful in his re-telling of the events. Now, the Knight felt his father’s hand on his shoulder and he could imagine for just a moment that their situation was not so desolate. They descended a stone staircase, the walls entwined with un-kept plant life, and rounded a corner into what appeared to be a command room, and Kylo knew then that he needed to thank his father for loving him enough not to kill him.

He met his mother’s eyes, saw her elation, felt her pure joy through the force. Around her were the many leaders he had known growing up on Resistance bases. He could also sense happiness in Admiral Ackbar, who’d taught Kylo as a young boy about as many cultures and species of life as the much older creature knew. He saw C-3PO, the etiquette droid that Darth- that Anakin Skywalker, his grandfather, had built so many years ago. That droid had been a companion, a teacher to him as well, a link between Kylo and Anakin that he’d always been appreciative of. R2-D2, where the droid sat in a darkened nook, dusty and on recessed power, caused an ache in Kylo’s chest that made it difficult to breathe again. R2 had been the cause of Kylo’s love for the machines, had let Kylo take over repairs for him at a very young age, much to the disgruntlement of the main droid technician on base at the time. 

Many of the people, though, were glaring fiercely and Kylo took a small step closer to Chewie, who had helped raise him, hoping that the familial connection might inspire the Wookie to defend him, before he realized that the glares were solely directed at General Hux. 

The other man was still standing tall, even smirking in the faces of leaders who had dedicated their lives to bringing peace to the galaxy, some of whom had lost their children to this war. Kylo, even days ago, might have acted the same, but returning to the home of his parents, seeing their faces, feeling their relief through the force, was enough to enrage him. His anger ignited, a low burning in his gut at the sight of the smug grin on the General’s face and Kylo had felt this way so, so often. It was a part of the Dark side he was not sure he would ever be able to give up, the rage, and how good it felt to act upon. 

Kylo felt it start to consume him and he bodily flinched, suppressing it as best he could, pushing the anger back down, breathing slowly. He couldn’t help but shift closer to Hux and kick his ankle harshly, subtly of course, but the action and reaction was not lost on the others in the room. General Organa even chuckled as Hux flinched, his smile breaking as he turned to glare at Kylo, the two sharing harsh looks between themselves. 

“Major Brance, Chewie, if I could trouble you with escorting General Hux here to a holding cell for the time being? I’d like to speak with my son.” The General gave her orders gently, but they were orders nonetheless. The young major and the Wookie hastened to comply, Chewie hesitantly letting Kylo’s arm go. 

Leia walked slowly towards him as the chamber silently cleared, an unspoken order to leave the Solo family in privacy being carried out. Kylo realized he was shaking again and damned his body for betraying his weakness. His mother was so close to him now, was close enough to reach out to him. And that she did. 

The second he felt her hands on his arms, he broke. Everything came rushing back to him, his memories of her, of his father, of their unconditional love for him, even after everything he’d done, every violent act. His mother loved him. He could feel that through the Force, could feel her soul reaching out to him. His struggle with the Dark side was over, he could never go back, not after this. He knew then that as much as he may still feel the pull of the Dark, he would never be able to go back, never as far as he had been before. 

Kylo’s tears spilt over then and suddenly they would not stop. He finally let his breath out and it came out ragged, a jolting gasp and sob that caused his mother’s tears to fall as well. He felt weak as they embraced, desperately holding each other as if for the first time. It was not the same weakness as he usually felt, though, it was good. It was a vulnerability that he could show, that he didn’t have to be scared to show. His mother would never harm him, never hate him, never turn him away. 

Kylo felt his father’s arms come around them both. Han’s hands shook where they touched his loved ones and Kylo felt as though he’d fall apart completely without the both of them there, holding him together, loving him. 

His weakness was now his strength. His love for them, the reason the Light side had always called to him, what he’d always considered his greatest burden, was now the only thing keeping him alive.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this sucks, is short, and took so long to get out. I really struggled with Hux's way of thinking here and that's why it took me so long to really get at it. It's still short and I will make up for that with the next chapter!

Hux groaned angrily, knocking his head back against the wall of his cell for what seemed like the hundredth time. The Wookie and Major had deposited him into this white room, the perma-glass door sealing shut as Hux had watched them walk away without a single word or acknowledgement. And here he sat still on the stone floor, his legs slowly going numb, except for the spot where Kylo had kicked him, which still sent pangs through his leg whenever he shifted.

So much had happened in the past hours that Hux could barely sort it all out in his head. Why had he been so stupid? Why had he jumped onboard the Falcon after Kylo? It wasn’t like the other man couldn’t take care of himself. And if Hux had stayed, had decided to die with his soldiers, he would’ve been honored by the Order, Kylo hadn’t been wrong about that. But he’d abandoned them all to their deaths and saved himself. The Order would not forget that.

It seemed he couldn’t either. No matter how hard he pushed himself, how much his mind ached because of his efforts, he couldn’t stop thinking about his decision. The more he thought about it, the less sure he became. He didn’t know why he’d scrambled aboard the Millennium Falcon. At the time, he’d just been thinking of his own survival…and also Kylo Ren. He could not deny that fact.

Either way, the Order would kill him on sight if he ever returned, and he refused to rot away in this cell, useless, helpless. He’d always been one to try and move forward no matter how desolate the situation and this was no different. If the Order would not take him back, nor Kylo, then what would he pledge himself to?

He felt lost without a goal, without a movement to stand with. But did he not have one? The Resistance hadn’t killed him, despite who he was and the acts he had committed against them over the years. The First Order held no love for him now. He had to keep moving forward, for returning to his old way was certain death. He had no doubt that if she had to, General Organa would order him killed. She was not a weak leader and never had been. He knew she would not sway if she came to that decision. But, he thought, if he made himself useful, if he helped them, then he held a chance at survival.

If he gave them information, then he held a chance at seeing the man he’d thrown his family’s honor away to save. So that was it then. He would abandon all of his First Order training. He would give the Resistance anything they asked of him, just to survive. His father had always told him he was cowardly, and Hux shook his head as he accepted that fact. His mind made up, Hux finally relaxed his body, resting his head gently on the wall behind him, and waited for the General.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short! Sorry but it's to get me back into this fic and get something uploaded for you guys!

Leia Organa considered herself a very good General. This was not a boasting statement, but one of fact. She was organized, she thought logically, and she always considered the advice of her council. She learned new methods of strategy at every chance, always challenging herself to become better, to be a better leader, to better the lives of the people she commanded. Her Resistance members had never gone wanting in guidance, could always share their smallest concerns with her directly. She knew that accommodations and compromises were key to a strong relationship between her and her troops, one that held loyalty and respect, one that could defeat an unbeatable enemy.  She only hoped that General Hux would see this situation in the same light as her.

At her request, she was visiting the General’s cell alone, her council trusting in her to make the right decision. It had taken hours for the base to calm back down into functionality after the arrival of two enemy leaders and the success of the Starkiller mission. Half her pilots were passed out in their rooms, drunk off Twi’lek liquor, and the other half were still partying in their barracks, having chosen a less potent drink for the night.

After her reunion with Kylo, Han had escorted him to a room near her own. She trusted him, the Force and her own instincts letting her know that her son would not betray their trust again, but the Resistance troops did not, could not until he proved himself, if he ever could. It was a precautionary measure, a way to assuage any rising concerns. With her son safely tucked away, with Han finally back with her, she felt a calm settle over her that she hadn’t felt in years. Her family would be whole again, she felt it. They would find Luke and bring him back, the same as they’d brought Kylo back, against all odds. It was hard for her, thinking of him with that name, but if he so chose to continue with it, she would respect that. If she could respect the wishes he’d expressed about Hux, though, she was not sure yet.

Her steps were quiet on the soft floor beneath her. She found his cell easily, as it was the only one occupied and as such, the only one with holo-lights on. The General was sitting upon the stone floor, seemingly asleep, his legs stretched out in front of him. His skin had looked pale earlier, but under the harsh lights of his cell he looked almost deathly, the bulbs flushing everything white, casting a harsh contrast to his black clothes against the grey floor. She knew from the tapping of his finger against the ground that he was awake, despite his resting eyes, and so she spoke.

“My son has insisted I let you live.” That got a reaction at least, the red-haired man jerking away from the wall, his eyes flashing open to stare into her own.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm extremely sorry for the disgusting amount of time it took for me to write such a short installment. But I have some ideas for the plot and I'm excited to get back into writing this!

Kylo let his shoulders fall again as the door to his new home shut behind him. Han had explained his situation, that he could not be trusted yet, at least by the troops. His mother would be questioned and Kylo would have to prove to the resistance that it was not a mistake to let him live.

His mind drifted to Finn, the First Order trooper that had abandoned his post, helped a rebel escape, and joined the Resistance. A boy, almost the same age as himself, had gone against everything he’d ever been taught, everything that had been engrained in every second of his life from the moment he was born. If the boy could do that, who was to say that Kylo could not go against the several years of Master Snoke’s teachings. He could reach towards the Light, was doing just that for the last few hours. He could feel it, knew that he would reach that Light someday, that he could be rid of the darkness inside him. Hux, however, he was not so sure of. Kylo had abandoned the Light in adolescence, embraced the Darkside under the influence of a powerful Master. Hux had been born in the Darkness. His family was a long line of loyal Empire followers and now Hux had brought dishonor to that lineage. For him? To save his own life? The question remained, but Kylo wanted to be anew person, or rather, be the person he used to be, the man he was always supposed to be. He wouldn’t let Hux be killed.

Was it the lingering Darkness inside him that ached to have something familiar near him, that didn’t want to let Hux go for reasons purely to benefit himself? Or was it the Light inside him that didn’t want to see someone he knew die, even after they’d done unspeakable things.

Kylo finally took a step further into his room, hating this new gray area, where he knew what he wanted, but not what to do. What could he do to help the Resistance? There was information he could give them, yes, but with the complete destruction of the Starkiller base and the disappearance of two of their most prominent members, the Order was bound to make changes to protect itself. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t give them the information, Leia was an ingenious leader and would find a way to use the knowledge, he knew. But that wasn’t enough. There had to be something more he could do.

Kylo paced around his room, the smooth stone surface making his steps resound quietly about the space. The walls were stone as well, though stacked and overgrowing with vines, seeping through the underground walls from the forest above. The Resistance had chosen its current base of operations well. It was a forested planet, barely inhabited by anything bigger than a beetle, completely under the radar of the Order. These tunnels and rooms had been dug out long ago by a species that had long since moved on, conveniently leaving behind the ideal conditions for a Rebel base.

A rebel organization that had only just gained another Force user. Leia was one thing, but a user like the girl, Rey, with the same levels of power as the old Jedi was another thing entirely. Kylo even had suspicions of Finn being gifted with the Force. He could train them. Three force users, three soldiers capable of things very few were capable of in recent years, would be an insurmountable advantage to the Resistance. He would train them. The girl already had a saber, Anakin’s saber, one that called to her. Finn, if Kylo’s suspicions proved true would need one of his own. Perhaps later, they could travel together to the last of the planets that held the saber crystals and build him one. Kylo knew his crimson saber meant Darkness. But it was something that he’d built. After abandoning his family, all on his own, he’d spent weeks working on his blade and he did not wish to give it up.

Besides, the idea of the Order’s main image of terror wielding the same saber against that which he previously stood for was almost irresistible to Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, give me feedback on what you liked and what you thought and even your ideas of where you want this to go! I really do appreciate your commentary.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!


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